One year ago today, July 12th, I had my first PICC line put in. It was one of the lowest points I have ever been at. When I think back to that time a year ago, I was so SO sick. Sicker than I realized at the time. It has taken me quite awhile to come to terms with my feelings and emotions regarding my pregnancy and, more specifically, my hyperemesis. I think that for so long I tried to be strong and not let on just how debilitating and draining my illness was. I remember last year at this time calling my OB after a morning full of vomiting and I was laying in bed too weak to stand. I expected him to send me to the hospital for another round of IV fluids but he instead ordered a PICC to be inserted. I was TERRIFIED. For those that aren't aware, prior to my pregnancy with Brody I was pretty much a big scardy cat when it came to needles. Simple blood draws induced huge anxiety in me. So imagine what I was thinking about getting a PICC.
I remember being so so TIRED and sick as I headed to the hospital with my mom that day. I was worried about Ella while I left her with my dad and bummed that Jeff couldn't take off work to come with me to the hospital. We ended up having to wait for a LONG time at the hospital so I was glad my mom was there to keep me company. There was a scale in my room so I weighed myself that day and I was at my lowest point since high school- 123 pounds. I had started the pregnancy at 138 so in just 11 weeks of pregnancy (7 that I was aware of), I had lost 15 pounds! My "skinny" clothes were hanging off of me. On a good day I would eat a slice of american cheese and a baked potato. It was awful.
My pregnancy with Brody was honestly one of the darkest, most difficult periods of my life. I can't put into words how awful it is to feel SO sick for SO long. Like the worst flu or hangover you have ever experienced for MONTHS. I think the hardest part was that I just felt like so many people didn't really get it. Many assumed I just had a bad case of "morning sickness" while others said I should just be grateful that it was easy for us to get pregnant. That hurt more than people realize and it has been hard for me to get over some of my friends that weren't really there for me.
I am so thankful that I am in this place one year later with my absolutely adorable baby boy. He is so amazing and worth every single struggle I went through over those nine long months. Sometimes I think it truly is a miracle that he is here and healthy after all I went through!
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